Exciting things

There are a lot of exciting things going on in my life right now. And, no, I am NOT pregnant again!! God knows I couldn't handle that right now. I have been in a funk for a while. Like the feeling totally worthless, not wanting to get out of bed and face life kinda funk. I found myself even resenting the fact that I HAD to take care of my children. I really looked at myself in the mirror and hated what I saw. I saw someone who had let herself go to a point she never thought possible. GROSS! I found out that my husband didn't even think I loved him anymore. That I was so bogged down in my depressing state that I couldn't even see the great and wonderful things going on around me.
I know most of you that know me, think of me as this funny, happy person, but I must admit that I put on a very good show. I put on my happy face when I walk out the door, but return to my hole of misery when I come home. And I guess the most discouraging and heartbreaking thing to me and Aaron, is the fact that I have no idea why I have felt this way. I can't pinpoint it. I wish I could say that a particular event in my life has left me feeling like this, but I can't. And I may be stubborn, but I don't want to write all this off as post-partem depression, because I almost feel like that would be a cop out.

The exciting thing about this very depressing time is that I know God is teaching me very valuable lessons through it. Some of these lessons I have already established, but others are still unclear. And that's OK. I am finally excited about getting back to normal, what ever that is. I am ready to feel like a person again. To have a personality again, to love life again. It has been so long since any of these feelings have been present.

Our church is doing a Passion play on Palm Sunday. We have been practicing this week to finalize everything. I am playing the part of Mary Magdalene and Aaron will be portraying Jesus. It is amazing to see how truly powerful this play will be, even though we have only practiced. God is using the most unlikely people to step out and bring something very special to His son's story. I will be singing three songs in the program, Via Dolorosa, Above All, and Redeemer. My kids choir will be singing Above All with me, so I am very excited about that. I am excited about using the talents that God has given me to help tell the story of Jesus Christ's crucifixion. I am blessed and honored to be a part of it.

Another thing I an excited about is my softball team. As I mentioned before, I am coaching a 9-10 year old girls softball team this year. We have got 15 great girls. Not all of them are talented in softball, in fact, some have never played at all. But they all have heart and determination. They all try and work very hard. We are eager to begin our games, which will start mid-April, so future updates for sure.

The last thing I am excited about is the opportunity to step back from all of the craziness in life and realize that God, my husband, and my kids, all truly love me. God continues to bless me beyond belief, even though there have been some dark skies. Aaron, has remained my rock, even when he didn't want to . He continues to love me and pray for my inner healing. Austin wakes up every morning running into our room shouting, "MOMMY!!!!!" He will come up to me and quietly say,"Wanna hug", or "kiss". Hunter can make me feel better just by looking at me and smiling. Those big blue eyes are pure heaven. I couldn't have a better support system to pull me out of this dull season. I am EXCITED about living. I am EXCITED about my marriage. I am EXCITED about playing with my kids! I am excited about God's blessings.

God Bless